Sunday, July 24, 2011

Resentment

Hello:)

    I know that this sounds bad as a header on my blog, but I believe that every teen mom feels this toward their baby daddy at one point or another. Yes, I resent my husband because I have my son. I don’t regret that I had Kaidyn, let me make that clear. I know that it take 2 to tango, but I doubt that many people was my in position that, “oh, I’m shooting blanks.”  I was a care free teenager who partied like a rockstar and didn’t do what my momma told me. We all see what kind of boat that got me in…

My biggest problem that I struggle with everyday is that he got live out his teen years, he could’ve stayed in high school, but he dropped out. I didn’t have a choice, I had to. I had my whole life planned, and he didn’t.  I know that sounds bad and I’m just really venting on my blog, but at least I’m keeping it real right? I’ve said all along that’s what I’m gonna do. So why stop now? 

I’ve recently made up my mind that I’m going to go back to high school… That is if they let me come back. I’m not sure if dropping out to go to a online school and being married will hurt my chances any. But I DO NOT want to go to the adult high because in my eyes, I am not an adult. I’m merely a 17 year old teenager who has a baby and is married. That’s it. And that’s all I’m gonna be for a whileJ   

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Birth - 3 Months

Well,
Everyone told me that raising a child would be hard, but I never realized just how hard that was going to be. I never ever once thought that having to wake up at 2, 3and 5 A.M. to feed and change a baby would be hard, but it’s a complete nightmare, but now that he’s a little bit older, its only once a night. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son more than anything in this world, but protection is something that definitely would’ve been in play if I would have known what I do now.  And I thought the labor and delivery was rough…
Something that they don’t tell you is that babies constantly cry when they are getting their teeth, and they’ll drive you up the wall. Oh, and there’s the cry where they just want attention, especially when you’re trying to do laundry or something like that.. That’s a joyJ
I’m not trying to sound like I hate motherhood, because I don’t I love it. I’m trying to get the rest of the teenage population to see that yeah, sex is all fun and games, but it creates another human being. It creates a little person who depends only on you. It’s a baby who YOU are responsible for and all of your actions affect. It’s not something that I would wish on my most hated enemy because I know just how hard it is and how much it slows down on you accomplishing your goals, dreams, wants and even sometimes your needs.
Maybe some people can’t have it as lucky as me and have your baby’s daddy there supporting the baby, or even be married to him. But, here are some statistics that I researched so help widen your eyes.


 About half of all marriages when the teen is under 18 at the time of marriage end up in separation or divorce within 10 years. That is double the rate of marriages for adults over age 25.

The majority of all teen pregnancies occur among the older teens.  According to the Guttmacher Institute ,U.S. Teenage Pregnancy statistics, two thirds of all teen pregnancies occur among 18 and 19 year olds.  This accounts for approximately 73 per 1,000 girls.  While about half of all pregnancies are unplanned, this age group is responsible for the highest rate of unintended pregnancy.
The current birth rate for girls aged 15-17 is approximately 22 per 1,000.  However, from 1991-2007, birth rates for this age group showed a steady decline of more than 40%.  In addition, birth rates for girls ages 10-14 also decreased between 1991-2007.  It is estimated that they are down by more than 55%.  Presently, there are approximately 0.6 births for every 1,000 ten to fourteen year old girls.  However, in recent years, this number appears to be staying fairly consistent, while other age groups continue to decline.
It is estimated that 85% of all teenage pregnancies are unplanned.  More than half of the teens who get pregnant report using some type of contraceptive.  However, an estimated 90% of teen pregnancy may be the result of inconsistent use of contraceptives or failure to use them properly.  Many other factors are thought to contribute to teenage pregnancy, including family structure, pressure from peers, and the community environment of the youth.
Although numerous efforts have been made to educate our youth about abstinence, safe sex, and birth control, teen mothers continue to give birth.  In many cases, this results as a disadvantage to the teen mother, her baby, and society.  Teen mothers are unlikely to finish high school and often fall into a lower socioeconomic status.  As a result, an estimated 80% of them end up on welfare.  Newborns of teen mothers often lack proper pre-natal care, have lower birth weights, struggle to perform well in school, or have a greater chance of being neglected and abused.  In addition, a child born of a teen mother is more likely to become a teen mother themselves.
(Courtesy of www.pregnantteenhelp.org)

Labor and Delievery

  This one is rough..

  So, on February 8, 2011 I run around all day long with my nerves on end and the only thing that I can do is clean. And clean. And clean some more. Tyler's at work, my moms at work, and my mamaw is doing nothing but making me more nervous.
   At 12 o'clock that night I'm standing outside the doors of the woman's pavilion just wanting to be at home in my own bed with my head covered pretending like I'm 7 again. By 12:30 on February 9, 2011 they have me hooked up to a IV and have given me a vaginal tablet that is supposed to help my utern walls soften and they put me on a pitocin drip that makes me dilate. They also put 2 monitors around my stomach, one to track my contractions, and the other to track the baby's heart beat.  By 4 o' clock that morning I start to feel a slight grabbing in my lower back and the nurse says that is the beginning of my contractions. Oh joy.
  As time goes by the contractions get a little bit stronger, but nothing that I couldn't shrug off my shoulder.  At 7 o' clock the doctor comes in there and said that I was 3 cm dilated and that he was going to break my water. Let me tell you, that isn't the clear liquid stuff called water that is in almost everything that we consume. It was mostly blood, and I leaked that stuff forever.
  But anyways, after he broke my water, they took those 2 monitors off from around my tummy and put another type of monitor on the baby's head with like a suction cup thing and some how put another up in me to track my contractions.
  By about 9:30 or 10 is when I can really feel my contractions and they offer me my epidural, but I'm going to be the macho man and refuse it until I asked for it. I wanted to feel what contractions were really about and if the movies were right. (All that was going on till about 2 was them checking my blood pressure and temperature.) And oh my, they are close to showing how it feels. By 1:30 p.m. my contractions were so bad that I couldn't take it anymore and told the nurses to run that epidural into my room. By the time that they got everything set up and started, it felt like my contractions we're hitting back to back, and they hurt so bad that I sat there and cried. After 10 minutes, I couldn't feel a thing from my titties to my toes.
  At 5:10 that evening, the doctor came in there to check me and I was at 5 cm but I had spiked a fever. He told me that if the fever didn't break and if I didn't dilate anymore that He was going to have to take me back for a emergency c-section. Exactly what I didn't want. Nothing was breaking this fever that I had and the pitocin wasn't working anymore, so when he came back in there at 6:10 and checked me again, he said to get ready you'll be back there within 5 minutes. That gave Tyler just enough time to put his doctor suit on and they was rolling me back to surgery.
  Now, this is where it gets really fuzzy. They pumped me full of things and was prepping me. Keep in mind that I have never been hospitalized, never had a surgery, never had a IV in me, nothing. I'm majorly freaking out about this whole thing and next thing I know the doc says that I'm going to feeling some pulling, by God I felt that, and it was making me sick to my stomach so I puked everywhere and 5 min after that Kaidyn Lane Dalton was here at 6:47 p.m.  And had to go to baby ICU for low respiration and a low fever caused by mine. 
  After they stitched me and stapled me I had to go into recovery for 2 hours and still didn't remember seeing my baby. At this point I was pretty ill and the nurses said that they had to crib him (get him used to the temp outside the incubator ). By this time it's about 10 p.m and they still haven't brought up my child and I'm calling the neonatal and my nurse every 5 minutes until I asked if I could come down to see my son. I was told if my nurse would let me, so I call her and she said that, ''Well if you think you can get out of bed.'' Sure can get the damn wheelchair in here. 4 1/2 hours after having a major surgery I got outta my bed and walked to my wheel chair to see my baby. 
  And he was so little! 6 lbs and 19 1/2 inches long, and he was absolutely perfect.
 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Dalton...

  Yeller:)

  I'm officially out of public schools and am being home schooled. Yes, I will miss all of my friends (Tear:_[), but I'll be able to raise Kaidyn and not have to worry about putting him in daycare... until he can talk that is. I'm doing a online highschool that is pretty flexible and really really cheap. I should start it tomorrow, but I'm re-doing all the credits that I failed in my public school, so wish me luck!
  Oh, I think I forgot to blog this the other day, but Tyler and I got married on January 13th. That's one hell of a lucky number right? But this was just a court house wedding and sometime next year we're hoping to be able to do it ''the right way.'' It's still kind of weird to write and say my name as Amber Dalton, but my momma told me that it'll soon become as natuarl as my now maiden name was. I don't have to worry about being asked if I'm kin to Elvis, now it's gonna be which branch of Dalton's and running back the family tree (That I don't know!!), but it'll be ok. It somehow always is:) 

Friday, January 14, 2011

Marriage

  Hellllo:)

  I am a newly wed. Woooo! Lol.
  Everyone that I know said that life would be different after you get married, but to be honest, it feels the same except for the fact that my last name is now Dalton and there's a ring on my left hand. Now that I'm married, I don't have to worry about missing too much school or anything of that sort. 
  It sucks that I'm now emancipated and I have to do all the ''grown up'' things for myself. It's not just calling and setting up appointments for Kaidyn (Who's going to be here in less than 5 weeks!! It'll be 4 weeks Tuesday!!), I have to make my own appointments and make all of my own medical decisions for myself. My mother is burden free of me pertaining to basically anything and everything that I have to do. Now. it's on my husband.
  As of now, Tyler and I are still living with my mom and will be until we can find a place that's cheap enough for us to afford. We're working with 1 paycheck on our bills and Tyler's fines and court costs and probation. I know that this isn't going to be easy, never thought that it was going to be. Would I recommend getting married at 16 to anyone else? No I would not. Why? Because there's so much life left to live and you never know what's going to happen between now and the time you're 20. Just take it easy.

Friday, January 7, 2011

The News.

  Hi:)

  So, it's official. The 19th of January I will be having my cervix checked that day and then every week until my due date... or until it opens. Oh, and I reckon on the 12th I'm gonna be getting married to Tyler Allen Dalton:)  What's even better is we're having a court house wedding, but sometime next year we're going to have a actual wedding and Kaidyn's going to be involved with it.
  I've been thinking about what I'm going to post when Kaidyn gets here, and it gets complicated. Everyone knows that it's labor, bottles and diapers with some waking up in the middle of the night, and I was thinking about posting how many times I get up at night and just how little sleep you actually get with a child.
  Keep in mind that this blog is to keep you from having a kid yourself, because if I knew what carrying this child was like, I would've thought way longer and way harder before I did half of what I've done. Hunny, these peaches have no cream.


 

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

What's Made Me Hard Headed..

  I was oh so blessed to have my parents stay together until I was 11 years old. What a bunch of hell that was. I thought I was a daddy's girl when this split came, but a year later I found out that I really wasn't when my dad got remarried to a woman with 3 other children and I became his last priority. That's pretty sad to say huh? He can't afford $35 a week and the only time I talk to him is when I call him. In the past year, I believe I have seen my father twice. When he walked out, by God he walked out I reckon.
  My mom on the other hand, she dealt with a son who was in and out of jail and who is now in prison, and a quieter, more sneakier daughter. Me and my mom have had a very open relationship, and I do mean very open. I would say that my mom is my biggest hero, and my very best friend. She supported a child on her own with a rinky-dink minimum wage job, barley making ends meet. Somehow she accomplished it.  
  I don't remember what it's like to be around my dad. I don't know what it's like to have a sibling around all the time. In my life, all I really know is people popping in and out for various stretches of time, and no father either. Do I feel sad because of this? Hell no I don't.
  If anything, all of these things wouldn't have made me into the person that I am today, and I would be vulnerable enough to think that when someone waltzes into your life their going to stay. Instead, I let them walk right on in, and expect them to walk right back out at any moment. I don't expect anyone to hold to their word too much either, but I've never really done it come to think of it...
  It may not sound like it, but I've had a rough childhood. I would describe it more, but I don't remember it that much. Maybe it's a good thing that I don't, maybe it isn't. Who knows?

Monday, January 3, 2011

eDuCaTioN aND FRieNDS

  Hellur:)

  34 weeks pregnant and I know that I'm not going to finish my Junior year of High School, I have now came to the decision that I'm going to get my GED so that I can pursue my life long dream. I know this isn't what my family wants, but it's what I feel like I have to do. My baby's daddy Tyler, or my soon to be husband on the 12th of January, and I have discussed me going back to school and every other option there is out there and we feel as if daycare is too pricey and that we don't want our child attending it until he has a very very VERY good vocabulary under his belt. You hear too many bizarre things happening at day cares and I really don't need someone else raising my child some other way than my way.
  I know that I should return, but I made a decision to lay down, and so now I have to make sacrifices and give up things that matter the most to me, and along with that come the matter of friends. Alot of people can me misleading and fake, as I have learned the hard way of course, which leaves you to pick out the good seeds from the bad. As I have learned the hard way of doing this too, you have to make decisions based on if that's someone that you want to have around your child. It's not about how cool that person is, or if their wearing today's fashions or not, but if that's going to be the type of person to ditch you because you can't go to Friday night's party because you have your baby, or if when your child's older and starts talking, if their going to be respectful enough to choose a better vocabulary when he or she is around.
  It's been very hard for me to do this because I was the girl who partied, I was the girl who wore all of the name brand things, and then all of a sudden, I'm the one who has to look at life through what seems to be an adults eyes. All of things that you think matter so much when you're a teen, doesn't matter so much when you're a parent, when you have to grow up because you're growing a new life inside of you. You have to look at what's going to be the best for you and your child from the moment that you know that he or she is coming and on. It's a huge change, and if I could have my childhood back, don't think I wouldn't take it back for one second. But now, I wouldn't take anything over my child that will be here soon.
 

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Getting DeeepXD

  Ollo:)

  25 weeks into my pregnancy my doctor tells me that my baby isn't growing and that I have low amniotic fluid, as this being my first pregnancy, this scared the holy hell out of me. Questions that sounded like they was coming from Albert Einstein was flying out of me but I was told that there was nothing that I could really do, it was simply something my body produced and for some reason wasn't. The only thing that I could do was eat and drink more, so from that day on I ate everything that wasn't nailed down to the table and had doctors appointment every single week until I was 30 weeks and they told me that my baby was where he needed to be. That's been the scariest thing so far... Except the thought of labor and afterwards.
  This is something that I thought that could never happen to me. I would have the perfect pregnancy and everything would be peaches and cream, but it wasn't. You never really think that something that seems so impossible could happen to you, but it does, it happens to everyone. Personally I think that's the part that everyone over looks is that bad things happen to everyone everyday, not just because they have bad luck. To me, bad luck is something that we assume, that we create in our mind and that it's not really real.
  Maybe that's something else to ponder on for a while....